The Moment It All Began - From Kevin Adopts
Kevin Gerdes of Kevin Adopts and Kevin Gerdes Realty is a single gay man in LA navigating the foster to adopt parenting journey.
It has been a solid 3 weeks since my last post here on MiLOWE Kids, and my goodness has my life drastically shifted! And that, in itself, is forever no more. There is no more, My life. Why? Well, I am a daddy!
Yes, it finally happened. I got called for not one but two newborn babies with the last month, and the second was the little goober who's stuck around! But before I introduce this new life to y'all, let me share with you a bit about the first call I received in late January.
If you are more of a video person, feel free to check out my YouTube video documenting the entire two-day process from when I was first asked to bring the child into my home. I spent the whole two days vlogging it all!
And for those of you who like a good read, let's begin!
The process of waiting on a placement call is one of the most anxiety-provoking things I have ever been through. From the moment I was approved as a foster parent, every need that came through to my phone, I basically freaked out merely wondering if this was THE call. More often than not, it wasn't. As all of December and January passed, I knew that I needed to begin shifting my thoughts. I could not go through every day all day wondering when this call was going to come. So, I decided to pay an online trainer to craft an entire workout routine for me and a food program and get myself back into the physical shape I enjoy being in. When I am working out regularly, I am far more focused and much less anxious than when I am not.
So it's a Tuesday afternoon, I've got all my workout gear out in my living room, and I am about 25 minutes into this incredible workout routine. Finally, my brain is focusing on something other than foster placements! Then, just like when we are looking for a date, the moment you stop looking for a partner, they show right up! I'm mid rep, and my phone rings. I get up and see Aviva Family And Children Services scroll across my screen, and my heart jumped! Holy crap, this is it! It's gotta be it; why else would they be calling me?
Okay, so I pick up my phone and say, "Hi," and Kelsey from Aviva is on the phone. She says, "Kevin, it's happening..." and I freak out. It was as though my heart went through an actual workout compared to what I was previously doing. In fact, in my YouTube video, I show the precise moment I'm on the phone with her being told all the details! We hang up, and I called just about everyone in my family out of pure excitement and then head right to Target as all of my items I had for a baby were styled for male genders. This placement was for a baby girl, so I needed to pick up a few pinks and etc. And yes, who to say girls can't wear blue, but I was just so excited to shower her in the girliest of girly!
A few hours have gone by this time, and I hadn't heard anything from, well, anyone. As soon as a warrant was obtained to detain the baby girl, I was told that a county social worker would call me to instruct me on where I needed to go to pick her up. Let's fast forward 24 hours from this point. It's late afternoon, around 5 PM. Kelsey from Aviva called me to give me an update. She had informed me that the baby's father stepped up (no one believed that he was the actual father), and because of this, a judge would not issue a warrant to detain the child until this was future investigated. This case, in the eyes of my agency, was closed. Now, it's back to waiting for the next call.
The next few days seemed to be a bit detached from what just happened. Many people asked me if I would be okay, and my response was often, "Yes, this is part of the system." It would be 3 days until I was finally able to cry about this. It wasn't one of those paralyzing cries but one that was certainly needed. It felt like I was holding a lot of pent-up energy from the rollercoaster of emotions I'd experience, and it needed to be released. I'm glad it was.
One week and three days passed, and as I was driving along Ventura Blvd. my phone rings, and what do you know, Aviva Family & Children Services pops up on my display! It's happening... again! I answered that call so fast you'd thought God was calling me!
Here's the thing though, when I picked up, the call disconnected right away. Ah, no! Why is this happening! As you can imagine, I was not thrilled. Immediately I find myself calling Aviva back and asking for the Intake Coordinator (this is the person who gets the placement request calls directly from county social workers). They transfer me to her..."Did you call?!" I asked here? As if I wasn't well aware that she had. She replies, "Yes, sorry, Kevin, as soon as I called you, I got a call that I couldn't miss."
For those of you who don't know, when a child's social worker calls your agency, they want a "Yes," or "No" from the potential foster parent right away, or else they're onto the next. So here I am, on the phone with Aviva's Intake Coordinator, trying to get to the part where I say "Yes!". And when that time came, all I could say was, "Yes, yes, tell them, yes!" I was beyond thrilled that it was all starting to happen. I was about to be a dad!
This time around, calling everyone in my family and a ton of friends just wasn't something I was interested in doing, no matter how much I wanted to affirm that this was actually happening. I simply felt too much fear of taking too many people along this crazy rollercoaster with me. I felt a sense of responsibility for everyone's emotions when I got them excited that it felt like too much to carry this time around. While I did call a few close people, I knew the others could wait and that they would very much understand.
I would come to find that 5 hours or so later, things would prove worked out very differently than the week prior, resulting in me welcoming a 7-week old baby boy into my home, which I've been calling "Baby S" publicity.
Friends, this is only the beginning; please feel welcomed to check out my YouTube video where I introduce "Baby S" to you all and document my entire first few days of fatherhood!
I will close with this, there was a moment at 3 AM sometime during the first week where it hit me that this tiny soul 100% relied upon me to provide its every need. At that moment, exhaustion was pushed aside, and a higher calling - a duty to provide, at all cost, took over.
As I write this installment of this blog, over the week, I finish here, with "Baby S" asleep on my chest, covered in a veil of protection fueled by a calling I've always dreamed of having.
Baby S, I love you.
I can't wait to share more with you all in the weeks to come.
- Kevin
