Elaine Dizon is a Filipinx growth mindset coach, writer, mother of 2, and a recognized AT&T Business Cultural Champion. She supports busy nurturers grappling with time and who would like to leverage their roots to nourish a joyous intentional life.

How does one celebrate in the face of grief? Since I lost my mother in 1987, this question shows up every Mother’s Day and I must be brave to let the grief in. In the past, I avoided this response to great loss, and I skipped through and fell into one of the five stages of grief without the awareness I needed to accept what life was whispering to me. In the immediate years after her passing, I was stuck in anger. Angry that I lost her, that she died too young, that I didn’t learn how to cook certain dishes, and most of all angry that she would miss milestones in my life – and some watershed moments that only a mother could understand. These landmark moments would have been my high school graduation, my wedding, having my first child, and so much more. I spent 13 years being angry most of the time with pitstops in denial, bargaining, and depression. Moving into acceptance took many years…too many years. It’s my hope today, that I support anyone reading this to find the support you need to move through grief in a way that you feel comfortable with and to know that you aren’t alone with these emotions.

Grief and loss are not isolated to someone dying. I’ve found HelpGuide.org’s definition of grief helpful because it captures more instances of this feeling of loss. According to HelpGuide, Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. During the course of accepting my mother’s death, I leaned on a valuable concept, that everything has a beginning and an end. At some point, all the anger I had been carrying became so intense. I was judging people in unfair ways. I was not appreciating my friendships fully. I was detached from feeling because I was too scared to be close to people – in case I would lose them too. I was living a life that had a shadow of doom and gloom. As the quality of my relationships deteriorated, I longed for this anger stage to end. When I noticed this longing, I accepted the idea that this angry stage will have an end and I felt immense relief. Unloading the burden of carrying frustration and hostility allowed grief to come in for a moment and I wasn’t so angry anymore. The absence of resentment allowed me to appreciate my mom in a new way…a way that informed me that I could react to her loss in a different way; perhaps a constructive way to move on. So, I did.

With a few rounds of therapy and various meetings to discuss grief, I grew more comfortable with recounting the story of losing my mom. Every time I experienced grief, it opened the door to all the other stages – denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Going toe to toe with grief wasn’t adversarial anymore. I liken grief as a familiar friend. I would notice it showing up when my job changed or when I fell into financial uncertainty. I would greet grief with a hello and know that it’s presence will have a departure – provided I let it in to ask its questions…among them, “What’s really troubling you right now?”

When I juxtapose the troubling statistics on AAPI violence rising during Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month, the theme about loss and celebration is coming up again. This challenging dichotomy takes courage to look at during these busy times. As we lose the implicit freedom to walk in our neighborhoods, what are we noticing about that? Once we give that thought a little space, we create more room to acknowledge the accomplishments and achievements in our community. Let’s continue to be brave, to show up and notice the discomfort of our times, and create something beautiful, safe, and grounded in equity for ourselves and our children.

Be well, be safe, and be loved.

Your Coach Mom,

Elaine

If you’re looking for a way to make space for joy to celebrate – whether it’s for a belated Mother’s Day, a birthday, a career accomplishment, AAPI Heritage month, or even the smallest progression you could measure but find it challenging, then this soulful hour on May 20th 12P PST/2P CST/3P EST is for you.

Click here to learn more and or register for the event.

Zoom Link to Register: https://bit.ly/3nFvGLH