In honor of Christianne’s maternity leave we asked some our favorite people to share stories from "the fourth trimester," the period between birth and 12 weeks postpartum during which your baby (or the baby you care for) is adjusting to the world and you're adjusting to your baby). Today Brittany Howell, founder of Colorama talks about adding a second baby into the mix.

WOW! I have to be honest. Writing this post is giving me total baby fever. My little dudes are now 4.5 years old and almost two. The transition to bringing a baby brother home was not easy but when handled delicately and with a lot of love it can be amazing. I’m sure you’re all saying “WELL DUH! BUT HOW?”

I try and remember that my children are indeed little people no matter how young, silly and sometimes ridiculous. Letting them know what to expect and what may look a little different always softens the blow. One of the main things I learned through my own experience was to LISTEN MORE. My little guy, then three years old, had a lot of questions. Some insane and others very valid! His toddler anxiety around a baby brother joining our family was actually not centered around the topics I would expect as a grown person! I asked him:

“What are you feeling?”

“What are your worries?”

“What is one thing you don’t want to share with baby brother?”

“What’s one thing mommy and daddy can always do that’s special just between us to let you know we love you forever and always?”

His answers were so silly but valid. He felt heard and a part of the bigger conversation. If your older child is younger (say under two) this conversation may be filled with a little more prompting. Letting them know their home/family is always a safe place to share their feelings in appropriate ways. Remind them that it’s okay to feel feelings other than happy and sad. Introduce the other feelings to them. We can feel frustrated, excited, nervous and silly all in one day! Feelings come and go but our family stays forever. That’s one of the phrases that our family has adopted through different transitions in our lives. When I, as the parent, am starting to feel out of control I always go back to that.

Ok now let’s talk “You’re going to the hospital and coming home with a baby.” HOLY COW. That’s a lot for a little brain. Not only do they now having a real-life, crying, pooping baby in the house they once dominated but also they were just away from mommy AND most of the time daddy for at least 48 hours. This in itself is enough to cause a little anxiety. Here are a few things we did to ease this transition:

Things look a little different now due to covid but wherever your older child is meeting their baby bro/sis for the first time make sure they can greet you as their mommy first! Perhaps have the baby in a bassinet next to you. Offer that reassuring squeeze to your older child. Sometimes it’s your physical touch they’ve been craving so much after even 24-hours away but they may lack the words to explain it. After they greet you, “introduce” them to baby! Two things are confirmed: mommy loves you and this baby is not taking your place.
Give your child the option to bring a gift/toy/special object/art etc. when they meet the baby. We chose to have a tiny pack of Hot Wheels cars for the baby to give to big brother. It sounds so silly but it was a bonding moment where they showed love and my husband and I always joke it may or may not have been a peace offering! Ha! We still have these items today and they are often referred to as the “cars that baby Levi gave him.” And I love it!
This may be an obvious one but SLOW DOWN, SIT DOWN and give your older child all the SNUGGLES. It’s so tempting to have a few minutes of alone time when the new baby is sleeping, but what if you took that time to sit on the couch and watch your child’s favorite show with him while giving him that physical touch, total mommy attention he likely is needing. Words are not even necessary, just letting him know you are there is often enough. This time passes so quickly. Part of enjoying the newborn phase the second time around are these precious snuggles with the one who just a week ago was your BABY! Like how? Cue tears.
Lastly, allow people to help you. Again, this may look a little different in Covid times but hopefully there is a helping hand. ASK for help. It seems to go against our MAMA SUPERPOWERS to ask for help but honestly I feel like asking for help when you need it IS one of our SUPERPOWERS! Take this time to focus on the relationships, the baby necessities and each other. Most people want to help and asking them to do the dishes or order you a meal can be life-giving! DO NOT FEEL GUILT ABOUT THAT! Push that guilt out of your mind, mama. ITS NOT REAL.

Your babies (no matter how old) know how much you love them! Nothing has to be IG perfect to give them that! Enjoy the beauty of this season. It’s so short lived. And tiresome! But mostly filled with magic. Soak it in and go easy on yourself!

- Brittany

You can find Brittany here at @coloramala and coloramala.