In honor of Christianne’s maternity leave we asked some of our favorite people to share stories from "the fourth trimester," the period between birth and 12 weeks postpartum during which your baby (or the baby you care for) is adjusting to the world and you're adjusting to your baby. Today Elaaine Dizon, a life and mindset coach (and MiLOWE regular!) is answering the question “Do I have enough love in me for TWO kids”?

Your first child brings many wonders and ah-has of parenting. As parents-to-be, we dive right in – reading books, listening to advice from others, while juggling the life we currently have and integrating new components and considerations into our evolving life. We eagerly prepare and take pains to do things “right”. We become more mindful about what we eat, caffeine consumption, moderate exercise, and learn how to look at the world through a new lens – the parenting lens. Wall plugs are dangerous, table corners are hazards, and we are taking corrective actions for this little human’s arrival. As daunting as it may be, there is joy and anticipation. Love the first time around is fully present. And for me, I thought my bucket of love for baby number one was spilling over.

Being pregnant with baby number two felt old hat – I did this before! My daughter’s delight in my growing belly was a highlight. Her excitement about being big sister was infectious. She practiced holding her baby sibling with her stuffed animals. She would look at ultrasound pictures with glee. She understood we all needed to make room for a baby in all ways. The baby will need to sleep in a co-sleeper. The baby should have safe toys. The baby will need a changing table. The baby will need bottles and can’t have big kid food yet. She had it all dialed in. Then she blew me away with a question, “Will the baby get all the love now?” My answer was, “Of course not!” In my head, my answer was “Of course not because all the love I have is for you!”

Her query was a transformative moment. I was feeling the inklings of that question but never said it out loud and now I had to, “Do I have enough love in me for TWO kids?” The amount of energy and love I poured into my daughter felt like a maximum output. I couldn’t imagine DOUBLING it. I read articles and sought advice about my dilemma, “Do I have enough love in me for TWO kids?”. Most friends said, “You’ll be fine, don’t worry about it – you’ve got a lot going on now.” Articles saying, “Give it time and you will find it.” Nothing resonated until I spoke with a co-worker who has two daughters. I shared my fear and Dennis simply said, “Elaine, you have more love than you think. There’s no finite amount that you split between your kids. It doesn’t just multiply either. You just have more than you think you do.”

With that piece of advice, I was able to answer the question I was afraid of looking at, “Do I have enough love in me for TWO kids?” with a resounding YES. Yes, yes, and more yes. Here is how I learned how:

Don’t measure how much time you are with each child. It’s not quantity, it’s quality.
Appreciate what each child is bringing into your life at that moment.
Observe their unique talents and skills.
Be grateful.

Rather than sit with the idea that I wouldn’t have enough love for two kids, I developed a practice to be with two kids in an observant and reflective way. Through this process, I learned that I have more love than I thought – and today, I still do. Love grows, there is no cap, and it is immeasurable.

Follow me on Instagram to read more reflections about heartfelt moments: @yourcoachelaine

Be well, be safe, and be loved.

Your Coach Mom,

elaine

@yourcoachelaine