Noah: “Mommy, let's talk about today.”

Me: ”okay. What did you like about today.”

Noah: ”You first”

Me: “I liked that we decorated cupcakes and we went for a walk.”

Noah: “I liked when you picked me and carried me around” (referring when I picked him up as weights). “I love to be home with you.”

Me: “I like to be home with you too.” I asked him what he liked about being home with me.

Noah: ”Because I love you.” ”You are fun.”

—

This conversation happened on a day that I was about to lose it as a parent. When I heard my son tell me,” I love being home with you”, it put things in perspective for me and I realized that this was a time I will never get back and I needed to cherish the moment. I was able to comprehend that being emotionally present and there for my son was what really mattered in that moment.

COVID-19 has all of us going crazy and this includes the children as well. Our lives have been turned upside down unexpectedly as much as it has been for our children. So, what do we do now?

Since the COVID-19 shutdown went into full affect, every week has brought about a different wave of feelings and emotions. During the second week of quarantine I realized I hadn’t done a check-in with myself or Noah. It’s important for us as parents to be aware of our feelings, moods, and what may be causing them in order to self-regulate so that we can help our children regulate and manage their own emotions. Showing ourselves some love by engaging in self-care will go a long way in making sure we are ready and emotionally available for our children when they need us.

Ways to manage our emotions:

Give yourself a time out

Take the time to stop, breath deep, recognize how you feel and why you feel that way, and what you can do to release those feelings.

Find a way to blow off some steam

Some ideas to help release feelings and ease stress include: working out, going for a walk, stepping away from the family for a few minutes, talking to your spouse, partner or a trusted friend, listening to music, drinking a cup of coffee, taking a long shower, enjoying an in home movie night after the children go to bed, and meditation.

Develop a spirit of gratitude

Despite all of the challenges and craziness going on around us, we all can find something to be grateful for. Choosing to focus on the good in our lives is a great way to gain perspective and get out of the negative state of mind that so often accompanies stressful situations.

Making sure we are emotionally healthy not only benefits our children, but it also helps to connect with our partner or spouse. Being home 24/7 is a perfect breeding ground for conflicts between parents. These conflicts can be associated with anything from household management to disagreements in parenting styles.

Prior to the mandatory stay at home orders, we were all used to a certain daily routine. Because of all the changes that have been implemented, it is now common for one parent to spend the entire day with their children while still trying to get work done from home while the other parent still has to go to work outside the home. Conflicts might arise due to each parent having a different expectation on how the day should look and what the child’s routine should be. Other conflicts might arise from disagreements on TV time, chores, and discipline.

As we make our way through this pandemic, if we are going to avoid losing our mind and come out better on the other end, we are going to have to make changes, adapt and learn to pick our battles with our partners and children.

Ways to manage conflicts with your spouse or partner:

Communicate with each other

It’s important to always keep the lines of communication open. Make sure you make time to sit down when things are calm and just talk. Even if you’re facing a difficult situation and you might not have all the answers, it’s still very helpful to express how you feel and let your partner do the same without interruptions.

Create some structure for the children

Often times, children feel anxious and stressed because of a lack of structure. They are used to a certain level of planned activities either at school or with their caregivers. Setting up some type of plan and routine the night before can really help iron out and even prevent a lot of the bumps you might encounter during the following day. Explaining to children what’s going to happen the following day does good to set them up for a good day.

Work on a structure for you and your partner (together)

In addition to expressing how your feeling, it’s also helpful for parents to sit down and plan with each other. Being on the same page in regard to parenting strategies, routines, expectations of each other and the child, ways meltdowns will be managed, or which parent will handle certain things at home goes a long way to avoid misunderstandings and confusion. Parents, both of you are on the same team. Take inventory of each other’s strengths and how your strengths are able to enhance your parenting strategies.

What are some ways to help our child during COVID-19? As I mention it is important as a parent to manage our feelings to be able to manage our child feelings. Children are very in tune with our emotions as parents, so it is important to recognize and acknowledge how we feel. This will help the child feel safe and secure. A common question I get from parents with young children is if they should tell their child what is going on with regard to the virus.

My answer is “yes” as long as they use age appropriate and simple language with not too much detailed information. If the child is able to understand more, then you can engage in a conversation and inquire what their views on the subject are. For instance, for my son who is 3 years old, his teacher explained to the class that school will be closed because of COVID-19. I asked the teacher how he explained it to the children so that I could be consistent with the same wording when talking to my son. I do not talk about it with him unless he mentions it when asking about why our favorite restaurants are closed or why we can’t go to his favorite park. I always finish by letting him know we are keeping our body healthy washing away our germs and that I am here to take care of him.

Some Final Thoughts…

As the parents, remember that you set the pace. For the most part, if you’re ok, they are ok. Take things one day at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to do too much or trying to be perfect. Keep it fun and interesting, get creative.

I encourage you to take a moment and think about some things you can do to manage your own well-being in order to help yourself and your family enjoy this time as much as possible. Your presence and attention will go a long way to helping your children make it through these stressful times.

- Vanessa aka The Family

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