I’m 8 weeks postpartum with my second baby girl and my toddler is 29 months old. Although some days are more difficult than other (depending on how much rest I got the night before) I’m finding it a more natural transition than I expected. I was nervous that we’d made the wrong decision not to hire a caretaker or put my toddler in preschool, but with COVID numbers in LA being so wild and a newborn in the house, I didn’t feel comfortable. We also evaluated whether the added expense made sense for us but it didn’t. At least not until I gave myself the opportunity to try and do it. Keep in mind we don’t have family nearby so it’s really just us on our own.

Although my newborn is only two months old, I’ve put together some tips that I hope will be helpful for you as you head into this wild ride.

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Pre-Baby Preparation

Cover baby safety by making it fun for your big kid. Take their favorite dolls or stuffy and show them that blankets, burpy towels etc. should never go over baby’s face or sit on their head. Explain that big kids have big noses and tiny babies have tiny noses so they need lots of clear space to breathe. Take big deep breaths together!
Consider how you talk about the baby to your big kid and what kids books you might want to read them to prepare them for the change to come. In our case, I read them a few books like Hello in There! and The New Baby and made sure to say our baby, so that my toddler would feel that she was going to be both of our responsibilities (without any pressure or expectation, just excitement).
Set up your diaper changing areas and bassinet in advance of baby and have your tot change their stuffies/dolls there with you so they can learn the terminology of things that you might need a hand with. My tot knows where we store diapers and her own pull ups, can find my haakaa, can put a pacifier in baby’s mouth when crying, throws out diapers in the ubbi among a few other helpful things.

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I think postpartum planning for yourself or with your partner is really smart. Of course plans are never perfect but at least you get to discuss some things before baby arrives and maybe when baby is here your plans will change but at least Here’s the thrive guide developed by the founder of the sleep sessions podcast and mama of two and one from fathercraft thats designed just for dads.

Even if extensive postpartum planning isn’t for you, considering discussing a loose schedule that might make sense for you and your partner. My husband has a full-time job but is working from home. I co-manage MiLOWE with my workwife (who literally just did absolutely everything for our site and socials on her own while I figured this whole parenting thing out) and I independently produce TV/film so have a more flexible schedule. Here is loose daily schedule with my husband.
- Mornings: Since I am up at night to breastfeed, my husband wakes with my toddler at 6:30-7:00am and they usually build with magnatiles or throw on the TV. I stay in bed with my newborn until 7:30-8:00am and take my time doing her morning feeding. We eat a little breakfast all together and then my husband starts his workday while I become the primary caretaker for my two kids.
- Mid-day: A couple of days a week my husband will put my toddler down for her 1:00pm nap but most days, I’ll handle. I always schedule my work calls for 1:30pm or 2:00pm as my toddler wakes at 3:00pm.
- Early-eve: I love my husband but cooking is not his strong suit and happens to be something I love to do. My toddler has her handy steps in the kitchen so she can reach counter height and cook with me. She seasons, stirs and with my help will cut or spread using a butterknife. She loves this activity. She LOVES being a little chef.
- Bedtime: We switch every other night on baths/showers with my toddler. And at night, my husband will always be the one to put my toddler down around 7:30pm.
- Middle of the Night: I exclusively breastfeed my baby but we’ll likely take turns once she moves out of our room.

Postpartum

Give your toddler a fun gift for their new sibling (here’s some ideas I came up with) that can be an exciting new distraction.
Set up bins where all of their toys are visible. We use this toy bin and make sure to include books and invisible ink drawing books, stickers etc on those shelves too that they can choose items easily and foster independent play.
Speaking of new toys, we were sent a few for my toddler that were fabulous for my near 2.5 year old to play with like this cardboard house that she drew all over, this basketball net, dino eggs, art easel, magnetic tiles and flower garden toy.

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Throw away expectations of screen-time. With so much going on and my toddler is getting more into solo activities so I don’t have the TV on as much as I even expected and still don’t use an iPad, but some days a full movie post nap-time is necessary for me to finish up my work or get a minute to clean up.
Although I am not hiring childcare, I have decided to hire a pro to clean our home once a month. My husband and I tidy… all the damn time… and vacuum and clean up as much as we can but for those “high use” areas of the house that need a deep clean, neither of us are equipped to do the job right and thats perfectly okay.

All in all, I am thankful I took time to train my first born to be my helper with baby and now that she’s earth side I am definitely seeing the benefits. If you’re on the journey or considering it, I wish you lots of strength, peaceful nights and patience.

xoxo,

Christianne aka ‘MiLOWE Mom’

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