Nov 8

Nov 8 The Stories We Tell - Kristin’s All Natural Birth Story

This is, ‘The Stories We Tell’, a series of true accounts in motherhood published weekly. These 100% vulnerable, raw and ferociously honest tales are taken from the monthly LA based storytelling event, Mothers Unleashed. This week, we're sharing Kristin's all natural (and a bit graphic - you've been warned!) birth story.

When I became pregnant, out of sheer fear, I set out to have an empowering, strengthening birth experience. All I’d ever heard were ones of complete terror. But I was full of all the same self-doubt any sane woman would be.

Two days before my due date, while eating a juicy burger, I suddenly felt a warm trickle coming from inside - like I was slowly peeing myself. We went home and it continued. "Oh shit, did my water break?” I didn't want my water to break as I knew you were then forced to go to the hospital earlier and this was far from empowering. It was 8pm at this point. I just wanted to go to sleep in my own old bed and postpone this terrifying event I was trying to be strong for.

The leaking continued. "If I ignore it will it go away?" We called our midwives and, sure enough, they wanted us to come in to verify. We felt so unready. Sure, we were packed, but I had grand plans for a slow paced birth at home which included a bath, rocking on my ball, and watching "Dirty Dancing"!

Walking nonchalantly into the hospital, saying, “Uh, I think I’m in labor?” was not the movie-worthy dramatics I was looking for. After an hour wait, the results were in: there was a tiny tear at the top of my uterus leaking its way down, hence the slow drip. “F*ck!" They wanted us to stay to monitor me... If I didn't progress in a moderate amount of time, they would have to induce me.

I had planned and hoped to do this without medication. Taking a transformative hypnobirthing class, I wanted to be fully present for this life-changing experience - to feel like our ancestors who saw this as the most strengthening, pivotal moment of their lives - to really feel the immense power our female bodies hold.

Of course, knowing things were out of my control in some aspects, I prepared religiously for this moment like a runner preparing for a marathon. Two months passed of this hard work and here I was, in the hospital, feeling just slightly achy - being told I needed to progress quickly or else I would have to be induced. I had heard that Pitocin, the drug used to induce, was so powerful that a woman would really want to get an epidural even if they had planned on a natural experience. I thought, “Please, I don't want to be induced!"

They told me to try to move it along. Leaving my husband and I alone, they suggested we fool around as stimulation can make it come faster - pun intended. All I felt was anxious. After my husband felt me up for two minutes, he said he was exhausted. We had had a full day, you know! As if this wasn’t the most pivotal time for these roles to be reversed, I said, “get some rest, you have a full day ahead of you.” I needed to dilate dammit! So I sat there in my dimly lit room of votive candles, my calming playlist in the background, bouncing on my yoga ball... twisting my nips.

At 3am the nurse came in. I was still only 1 cm dilated and they were starting to worry about infection. “F*ck. I knew this would happen. This is why I didn’t want my water to break! So not empowering!” She suggested I take Misoprostal, a mild pill used to ripen your cervix. She gave me 1/4 of it under my tongue to see if this would induce me. She told me that most of the time it doesn't work, it's so mild.

At 7am, I wake up to pee. While in the bathroom, I start to feel many sensations. Like the rumblings of the most gigantic shit you've ever taken in your life. Contractions started as I began to feel like the most painful gas cramps I had ever experienced. Like the largest charlie horse involuntarily crushing your insides. This contracting from the inside as if someone was squeezing me, pressing my insides together as hard as they possibly could got stronger, and faster, and faster. A nurse told my husband to squeeze my hips as hard as he could each time a contraction came. It's like when you have a killer headache and it just feels so good to squeeze your head. This made me feel a thousand times better. "DON'T EVER STOP DOING THIS" I told him. My contractions were rolling. He would go to try to get a sip of his red bull and I would motion with my arm (behind me) "ughhhh." I could no longer speak.

They checked my cervix at 7:30am. I had already lost all concept of time, thinking I was probably almost there. I thought the nurse whispered pretty loudly, "Seven centimeters!" “AMAZING!” I thought. “I'm almost there, I can do this!” Well, in reality she told my husband FOUR centimeters. Do you know how many hours are between four and seven centimeters?!

The world was spinning. I had just emerged from the bathroom after taking a sh*t, thinking, “what if the baby plops in the toilet?” When I say, "I'm going to throw up," my husband quickly puts the very well-constructed bag device to my face, and man did I throw up. A lot. I am now Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing. The world was pulsating. I thought someone had given me a horrible hallucinogenic gone incredibly wrong. My whole body was trembling.

By 8am, I’ve taken my second sh*t. I could barely make out what they were saying. I just knew I didn't like so many people staring at me. And what the f*ck was that smell?! My midwife whispered in my ear, "You're doing amazing, congratulations Mama. I'll see you soon." I thought "See you soon!! Don't leave me!!"

I had been standing over the bed this entire time. I pointed to the yoga mat, my husband laid it on the ground. I tried to go on all fours. Nope! That doesn't feel good. They tried to get me to go on the bed. Nope! That doesn't work. They had me lay on my back in the bed… this was by far the most painful. I thought, “What are you doing to me! Stop telling me what to do! I don’t want to lay in the f*cking bed! I just want to stand and slowly sway back and forth."

The contractions were starting to make me do a sort of weird contortion with my body, my legs buckling. I was getting leg cramps from tensing weird muscles in my calves and quads. They urged me to take a break, lay down. I proceeded to just throw up again.

My husband said to the nurse, "This seems to be coming on very fast, should you guys check her?"

The nurse seemed so unfazed saying, "Yeah, she's doing great. Maybe she needs more Misoprostol though.”

I thought, “What?!? That pill didn't work?! What the f*ck is this, then?!"

My husband responded, "Are you sure?! She just threw up?"

"Right, she'll probably just throw it up again,'' the nurse said.

Just then, I started to feel her body drop inside me. I could feel her head right at my vagina. I again didn't want to say anything as I heard your baby’s head can go in and out, in and out, for hours! So I thought, “Okay, she's there?! But don't jinx it.” Plus you know, I couldn't use words. With the next contraction, I felt my body involuntarily starting to push. I thought ok. This is normal right? But just in case, I thought, "Where the f*ck is my midwife?!" I felt like I hadn't seen her the whole time! "But someone has to be behind me, yeah sure they're like 5 nurses behind me. They know what's happening.”

Finally I hear my midwife’s voice as my head’s down on the bed. Maybe she came in cause my moans had gotten quiet loud... I'd call them yells. Yeah, I sounded like an animal being slaughtered by this point. She lifted my head from the bed, "Kristin, you've got to breathe for me." As she brushed my disheveled hair plastered to my face with sweat out of the way. As I took a deep breath, I feel her head pop out.

My midwife sees this and with great alarm and shock she yells, "The head is out, the head is out! Grab the bucket! Grab the bucket!"

I hear a flurry of nurses come into the room, a clanging of what seems like pots and pans. It was pandemonium - my husband and I turned into the calm ones. I yell with another contraction, body contorting, as the midwife and Kamil instruct me to take another deep breath. I do, and I feel her shoulder and arms pop out. Kamil said she came out with jazz hands stretched above her head. That's all he saw as he stood behind me in his steady position, still squeezing the shit out of my hips. With one more contraction and one more deep breath, I miraculously felt the rest of Marlowe’s tiny baby body come out. And then there was a very loud splat on the ground - blood and uterus everywhere. Clearly, the bucket nurse didn’t make it in time. Luckily the room was still dimly lit.

My husband grabbed my face so passionately and kissed me harder and deeper than I have ever felt, looking at me with all the love in the world. We had the most sacred, special moment, his eyes filled with tears. I was shaking with euphoria and shock when I hear the midwife below me, "would you like to hold your baby?"

I look down to see tiny Marlowe, shriveled, limbs everywhere. I bring her to my chest as they instruct me to finally... lay in the f*cking bed! I smell my perfect baby angel. She smells like poo, covered in her own meconium. Her large gecko hand slaps on my chest as she looks up at me, eyes wide, so alert, my best friend instantly, full of all the love I could ever imagine, and my heart... explodes. It’s definitely excruciating, definitely not easy and or what I expected, but man did I feel empowered. I’ve never felt more beautiful, more whole… not to mention the greatest high of my f*cking life.