Elaine Dizon is a mindset and life coach, keynote speaker, writer, mother of two, a 2021 recipient of the AT&T Spark Award – the company’s highest honor for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion work bridging Tolerance to Understanding. She supports, empowers, and celebrates women who are looking to move beyond uncertainty and grief towards a life filled with intention, meaning, and joy.

There is nothing more humbling than being a parent. Any feelings of confidence and ability goes out the door because there are some moments that make you feel quite inept. You may go into parenting believing you have everything you need because you’ve seen other people in your life do it. Whether it’s your own parents, other friends’ parents, other family members, or other nurturers…you think you have everything you need because you lived through it. How hard can it be?

Freaking hard. Once you have that newborn baby, you are off to the races. You learn that it is more than feeding and changing diapers. You realize that you should have paid attention to those baby classes that your hospital or other organizations were offering. Or, you should have read those parenting magazines, blogs, and books a little more closely – with the highlighter, red pen, and a bunch of sticky notes to retain at least 10% of what you are reading by virtue of a highlight or tab. You quickly learn that having the car seat is merely having a car seat and it is useless unless it is installed properly in your car when you are leaving the hospital with that newborn baby. You learn that there are a multitude of newborn diaper/pampers choices out there for you and you don’t know which one fits best on your little human. The stories about not getting sleep are no longer myths but the realities of your days and your nights. Changing the pamper the first time is unsettling. Is it too tight? Will the baby roll over the changing table? It is too loose? Is it the right kind? How can you even build confidence in light of the sleepless nights ahead?

There are so many moments where skill and competency show up over and over again and it is our willingness to keep trying, iterating, and integrating what is working that moves us from ineptitude to some level of skill. And of course, once you feel confident that you know what you are doing, wouldn’t you know it, there is a moment that will throw you off, and the process starts over. It’s precisely that moment where mindfulness and confidence meet – it is the moment where you can acknowledge what you have learned so far and be open to what you will learn next. In the business of busyness, you may miss it. In a different mindset, you may even find judgments or comparison showing up. Over the years, I’ve found a return to “beginner’s mind” as a useful practice – especially as the children grow older, technology changes, and new things to learn emerge.

My experience with practicing the beginner’s mind wasn’t always easy. The process of learning leads us to believe we arrive at a conclusion, an answer, the summary, or an arrival of success. The work is done, and we move onto the next subject, the next module, the next test, or what ever next may be. Learning is a series of check marks and tasks rather than a process of being in relationship to learning. Beginner’s mind helped me see that remaining open and curious is helpful in building confidence. The confidence that something worked last time supports the possibility that there is more to learn and not be afraid to keep learning and questioning what worked last time. Perhaps it is the same process and what works continues to work. Perhaps, it isn’t going to be the same and what worked last time doesn’t work or there is a twist to what worked, and it could be just a little better or just a little easier. Discovering the code is never cracked, or the answer is never always quite fixed has been comforting because I can be confident in that principle – there is always going to be something new to learn. Rather than being frustrated, receiving the new information as it unfolds and simply letting that moment occur is life whispering to you, “pay attention and learn something new”.

Here are a few tips to shift into the beginner’s mind:

Let go of having to know all the answers. When we do this, we practice leaning on others and getting a chance to know what they know or experience a learning together.
Being present to the moment. Maybe the learning happens in an unexpected way. Tap into your five senses. Close your eyes, what do you hear? What do you see inside? With your eyes, what do you see? What do you smell? As you tap on the keys of your computer or hold a pen, what if muscle memory takes over? Hydrate. What are you noticing right now that can bring you back to a moment of learning?
Practice is progress. When skills deepen, there is ease in learning. You can bring playfulness with the basics while creating space for advancement.

I may have learned how to put the diaper on successfully for many days with my two kids. As the days passed, I was able to find just the right pamper, put it on quickly, with the right amount of snug, and minimizing leaks. As this skill grew, I was able to cut down on how many baby wipes I had to use to clean up while I changed the pamper. When I had that under control, I was able to figure out just the right mix of butt paste and placement to offset whatever rash that may be developing. Over time, these small actions offered me a chance to look at the kid on the changing table and notice how long and fast their hair was growing, or what new sounds they were making, or how strong they could hold my finger. Instead of always rushing through thinking that changing that pamper was the result I wanted, what I really wanted was to appreciate the other moments that occurred during that event while laughing when the unexpected blow out would inevitably occur. When that happened, life whispered to me, “Ok beginner’s mind, what’s there to learn?”

If you’re interested in learning more about skill building from a business point of view, please consider joining my workshop, “Shifting from Skills to Swagger.” In collaboration with the Lloyd Collective, we are hoping to support individuals that may be launching into a private therapy practice or launching a small business. This will be a donation-based workshop and all proceeds will go to Yours Humanly – a 501c3 nonprofit supporting children in underserved areas with resources and access to education.

Click here to learn more or register.