This is, ‘The Stories We Tell’, a weekly series of true accounts in all things motherhood. These 100% vulnerable, raw and ferociously honest tales are taken from the monthly LA based storytelling event, Mothers Unleashed. This week, we're highlighting Melissa’s birth story - one of pain, love, and gratitude.

A few years ago, I had two heart-breaking miscarriages. Because of these losses, I feel I had a deeper sense of knowing that every day was such a blessing to be carrying my baby. My dream was to have a natural, full term delivery of a healthy baby, so I did everything I could to stay positive. Yet, I couldn’t help but carry a little fear within from my past.

During my last trimester of pregnancy, I was put on moderate bed rest due to risk of preterm delivery. I had a shortening cervix and an inability to stand for long periods of time before having way too many braxton hicks and feeling immense downward pressure! At 39 weeks I developed a pelvic issue. The relaxin hormone had caused my pelvis to separate. This started out as typical labor signs so I got super excited thinking my baby was ready, and I would give birth soon! But unfortunately, each day, it got worse and worse. I literally couldn’t walk. The pain was excruciating. I needed to use a wheelchair and couldn’t do anything without assistance. My doctor wanted to induce me at this point but respected my wishes to wait for my labor to start naturally. I remember my mom, husband and best friend trying to physically support my body to get me up to one of my final doctor’s appointments. It took half an hour when it normally takes two minutes. I could barely move. And anyone holding or carrying me seemed to cause more pain! My best friend tied a scarf around my hips to try and hold my pelvis together!

My pain level was at a 20/10!!! Somehow I didn’t take any pain medication. This seems crazy to me now, but it didn’t even cross my mind. I was determined to protect my unborn baby, and nothing else mattered. I could endure immense physical pain because the gift I was carrying was what I had always wanted. At 40 weeks and five days, after two weeks of being in a limited state with my ever expanding belly, I had reached my breaking point. My doctor was now concerned about my placenta deteriorating. Waiting any longer for my labor to start would most likely have ended up with an emergency c-section... so it was time. We booked my induction.

On May 15th at 2am, we arrived at the hospital. My husband and my mom who was visiting from Australia were by my side. The hospital room was like a hotel suite with an amazing view of LA. I could finally show my mom the Hollywood sign without having to leave my bed! At this point, I was 1cm dilated with a thin, favorable cervix. They inserted a balloon in me, which naturally and rather painlessly got me to 5cm. My husband and I try to speed things up with some lovey dovey natural methods, like kissing and (assisted) slow dancing, but that wasn’t enough. After 12 hours, we all decide it’s best to break my water. With a big, strong, surprisingly unpleasant gush, my water is gone. There was no turning back now! Still, things remained calm. I sat on the physio ball, my husband went for food while I chatted with my mom.

Then… BOOM. A contraction stronger than ever! I looked at my mom with a half laugh, half concerned face. But then BOOM - another one hit! I suddenly was getting slammed with back-to-back, strong contractions! I was in shock and panic! I wasn’t able to catch my breath in between. BOOM. They were a minute apart and lasted 30 seconds! It felt like breaking my water just threw my body into overdrive! My mom called the nurse and my husband to return quickly! The nurse said I probably had another four hours of this as it’s generally one hour per centimeter. I still had four centimeters to go! I panicked even more... I could not contemplate another four hours of this thunderstorm of contractions! My hip pain felt 1000x worse than it already was and I couldn’t get a grip of my mind because there was too much turmoil - not how I had imagined welcoming my baby into the world! I knew I wasn’t coping, so I decided to ask for the epidural. This was the right time. The anesthesiologist came in and said it would take half an hour to process, and even that felt too long. He said I had to be incredibly still while they inserted the needle into my back, even if I was having a contraction. I leaned forward and hugged my husband, my head snuggled in his chest while he comforted me and kept me still. This helped immensely and all I could think was, “wow… this position works maybe I don’t need the drugs?!” But then the epidural kicked in, and I was in HEAVEN!

After many hours of peacefully sleeping through the contractions and being turned from one side to the other, the pain started coming back quickly and strongly. I became incredibly hot, stripped off my hospital gown (boobs out, everything out!) and after some vomiting, I was given some different drugs. Still to this day I don’t know what I had, but it helped! And sure enough, I fell asleep! An hour later the nurse woke me and told me it’s time to start pushing. Suddenly I had all of this energy to push my baby out and had regained full feeling in my legs. With every contraction I was squatting, moving around, trying different positions and pushing. I was determined. It was tough. I could feel everything. My mom was holding one leg up and my husband was holding the other. My doctor was twirling my unborn babies hair which was crowning and giving her a mohawk. Then I got to what’s known as the ‘ring of fire’ (the burning feeling when the head is about to pop out).

At that point, I was thinking I would never ever do this again. This is crazy. What are people thinking going back for more! But after making sounds I never knew were possible, her head was out. I could see the excitement on everyone’s faces. Even my doctor who calmly and swiftly pulled over the chord that was wrapped around my baby’s neck. My husband couldn’t believe his eyes! He was so amazed at what I was doing! Next push… one shoulder was out and all of a sudden the moment was here. My doctor stood up and got into position to catch her and the rest of my beautiful baby’s body felt like it quickly slipped out… there she was on my chest!

May 15th, 11:55pm. The best thing I’ve ever done in my life - give birth to Tuana. I remember my doctor saying, “Happy Birthday” and all I could say was, “My baby, my baby. Tuana, I love you.” She was perfect. A little angel. It was incredible to finally see this little body on the outside and not hidden within. My husband was in awe and we only noticed in the video later that he was still holding my leg up in labor position even after Tuana was born! Our special moment with her on my chest was cut short though as she was blueberry in color and needed to be rubbed vigorously to encourage more crying to release any blocked fluids. The nurses took my precious gift from my chest and it was a long twenty minutes before she was brought back to me, thankfully now a very healthy pink color. She settled in and was calm. I was able to shower her with my love. I was amazed at her as she breastfed for the first time. I had dreamt of this moment and it was so sweet and special to be connected this way.

But now that the birth was over and I finally had my baby girl, the hardest part was the realization that I was still very crippled from my hips and in immense pain. I was classified as a ‘fall risk’ and could not stand up or walk by myself. I was unable to maneuver my body in the bed. I needed help with every movement. I remember laying there feeling stuck. Looking at my Tuana asleep so peacefully in her crib, my husband asleep on the couch, and yet I couldn’t reach over to pick her up. I had packed cute newborn clothes to dress her up, but that was all too hard. I went home with Tuana and a walker frame as I couldn’t balance on my own. I watched my mom change her diapers and my husband hold her while walking and rocking her for comfort. During the night I had Tuana sleep next to me in the bed so I could lift her up to breastfeed. Even this was a challenge but the sweetness of her by my side was bliss.

It took four full weeks to be able to walk on my own and to finally stand with Tuana in my arms. Looking back now, I realize that I never wanted any of my pain to be a drama and take away from Tuana’s moment entering this world. I didn’t talk about it much or focus on the difficulties while they were happening. And that’s because, despite all of the ups and downs, I consider pregnancy as one of the best experiences of my life. And I always knew that I was still incredibly lucky. I am forever grateful that I was able to give birth naturally to Tuana, and I absolutely cannot wait and pray to be able to have more babies and siblings for her. She is my dream come true and has ignited the most magical love of all within me.

Thank you, my little Tuana. I love you.