In honor of Christianne’s maternity leave we asked some of our favorite people to share stories from "the fourth trimester," the period between birth and 12 weeks postpartum during which your baby (or the baby you care for) is adjusting to the world and you're adjusting to your baby. Today Jessica Anderson of Mama Love To is sharing some of the thoughts that came to her in those early fourth trimester days.

THE FOURTH WALL
Defined as “the space which separates a performer or performance from an audience. The conceptual barrier between any fictional work and its viewers or readers.” The 2001–2006 Fox sitcom The Bernie Mac Show had the lead character Bernie Mac breaking the fourth wall talking to "America". The convention of breaking the fourth wall is often seen on mockumentary sitcoms, including The Office.

So, please understand my confusion when my doctor, who was assessing the damage from my daughter passing through my body said, “Well, it looks like she broke the fourth wall!” My daughter had been taken to the NICU for an echocardiogram to make sure her heart was normal. Prior tests showed a potential underdevelopment in one of the chambers. As I lay on the table, exhausted and longing to see my daughter again, my doctor began to sew up the tears. And that’s when I realized how out of it I must have been to hear what I did. Maybe she said something about my pelvic floor? My vaginal walls? My fourth-degree tear? I’ll never know what was actually said, but either way, my daughter certainly knew how to make an entrance.

DEATH
Death is a scary topic. After having my daughter, it seems the be the only thing constantly in the back of my mind. Whatever we do, I’m plagued by visions of the worst possible outcomes because, for some reason, I believe that if I think of something awful happening first, it won’t happen. I can’t predict the future or anything, but if I can think of the worst outcome it means I can prevent it. I prevent it by thinking of every way we can possibly survive it. According to my father and a number of parents I have asked, this is totally normal. It’s remarkable how these feelings of protection and self-preservation really kick into high gear once you become a parent.

I WISH I KNEW
I wish I knew after giving birth that ALL of the family-related emotional trauma that you’d dealt with and thought you had closure from would be ripped wide open because now, as you see the world through your daughter’s eyes, you are remembering and processing your experiences around that age, fully knowing the future of your own individual path. And suddenly, you’re in therapy again.