I Wrote About Assault Online... Before My Parents Even Knew

I cannot imagine my daughters choosing not to tell me about instances of assault whether they were 2 years old or 25 years old… I would really hope that they would feel comfortable enough to tell me and my husband - no matter what.

But I just did that to my parents. I wrote from a vulnerable place for MiLOWE following the murders and epic rise in violence against the AAPI community. And then a major Canadian media network asked me to follow up in more detail (here’s a link to the post I wrote for CBC). I decided it was time to talk about memories of some assaults I have experienced - events I had not told my parents or siblings about when they had occurred.

I didn’t think my parents wanted to know. I also didn’t want these traumas to be real, even though they were. I compartmentalized my feelings, pretending to be unaffected by pain (my former idea of strength). Also, I wasn’t ready… until I recently looked at my two teeny beautiful daughters and couldn’t imagine them choosing not to share when they had been hurt. In searching to redefine what strength means to me, especially as a new mom, I realized that I had to speak up. To help them see that when you talk about things that you fear, those fears are not as important as they once were. When you communicate your fears, they begin to shapeshift into something much more empowering.

As a first-generation kid of hardworking immigrants, my parents and grandparents did not have time to reflect on their pain. When they arrived in Canada, they kept quiet about struggles because they were convinced that there was no time or place for it. They needed to feed us.

But now that we are grown and feeding ourselves… connecting with my parents is still difficult. Don’t get me wrong, I harbor no ill will. I have a lot of empathy for my family and am grateful for the many opportunities that I did have growing up.

…But it would be nice to have dialogue without judgment once in a while. My mom and I have been working on that.

Are you feeling ‘seen’ today?

Christianne AKA MiLOWE MOM

@milowekids