Today on The Mag we are featuring LA based creative power couple, Andrea Janakas and Annie Quinn. Andrea, a writer/director and Annie, an actress are the parents of an almost two-year old son. Learn more about how they met, how they balance their creative jobs with parenthood, some of their favorite inclusive books and toys and much more!

Introduce yourselves, what you do and your family. How did you meet?

Hi! I’m Annie, an actress, and my wife's name is Andrea. She's a writer/director. We live in Los Angeles with our almost two-year-old son Leo. We met around the time when Prop 8 was happening in California. We were working on a short film, a coming of age/coming out story. We hit it off and before we knew it, we found ourselves falling into what some would consider the cliche Hollywood romance. But what makes it not cliche is that we’ve now been together for thirteen years. We met when it wasn't legal to marry in California, and finally got married in 2014 right after it was legalized in the state. We were fortunate to buy our home in 2018 when I was seven months pregnant with Leo.

What is it like balancing creative jobs and parenthood?

As artists, we don't have a set 9-5 work schedule, so most of the time we're either working from home (hours varying) or on a temporary job (could be up to 12 hours a day). What’s amazing is that because of the careers we have, we get to spend a lot of quality time with Leo. But what’s hard is we have zero downtime. It's challenging to create when you're working and residing in the same space with an active toddler. And now with Covid, there's never a break for us. We don’t have any help at the moment, since our families are located out of state, and it's currently worrisome to entertain the idea of childcare in a pandemic. In terms of a typical day -- When Andrea is on a script deadline, I take Leo in morning until his nap, which is usually from 1pm-3pm. Then we switch, and I cook dinner while they play. We sometimes sneak in a walk together. Of course if I have an audition, the day is all thrown off. Andrea then helps me self-tape while we try to keep Leo occupied. Sometimes he wants to take down the lights and knock over the tripod. Other times he wants to be on camera and upstage me! He laughs a lot at my reactions, which is super sweet, and makes for a great audience, but he doesn’t understand quiet on the set yet!

Did you always want kids together?

Andrea grew up with the idea that gay people don’t have kids. So she didn’t think she would ever be a mom. It wasn't that she didn't see herself as nurturing. She just didn't think it was possible. I always wanted to have kids, and when we met and started having conversations about it, I think I convinced her that we could actually make it happen.

What were those early discussions like?

The challenge wasn't so much, do we want to have kids? The challenging conversations were mainly about finances and donors. We also had a lot of discussions with other LGBTQ friends who shared their stories of how their kids came to them. It felt like such a long process, but of course now time has collapsed with Leo being here. The great thing is we got to spend a lot of time together as a couple before having Leo, so we are almost always on the same page with each other.

Can you share your pregnancy journey with us?

I always wanted to carry a child. But since I had a prior surgery where they almost had to remove my left ovary due to a large endometrioma, I wasn't sure if it would be possible to use my eggs. Our OBGYN was extremely positive about it though and thought that we should seriously start thinking about it.

At that point we still weren't ready to have a baby (are you ever really ready?), but we decided to look into freezing embryos for the future. The day before we were to sign the papers for IVF, my dad passed away. This put everything on hold. After some time had passed, we realized that life was too short. If we wanted our baby to meet the rest of his grandparents we might need to start things sooner rather than later. So we decided to start with IUI. We did one at our OBGYN's office, but when that didn't work, he recommended a fertility doctor. We did two IUIs there and I had one cycle where they didn’t monitor me, so I ovulated early and we missed the cycle. Because of this and the fact that the doctor kept asking me about my husband (when the doctor had met my WIFE), we felt deflated. This was NOT the right doctor for us.

We decided to find yet another fertility doctor. The previous doctor was at one of those upscale fertility clinics that feels a lot like a business, this time we went with a no-frills doctor out of UCLA . She was warm, LGBTQ sensitive, and very precise on her strategy to get us pregnant. On the second attempt at an IUI with her, we discovered that I was ovulating on my left side, the side of the surgery. We weren't sure if we should go through with the cycle and potentially lose a $900 vial of sperm knowing that this wasn't the "good side". But we were assured that there's something called transmigration and it’s possible that the cycle might take. Well, they were right. Because the surgeon years prior saved my left ovary, I got pregnant with Leo on that very side. It was our seventh try overall (five IUIs and two attempts at home early in the process!!) and our miracle baby was here. Leo arrived early at 34 weeks (on the Lunar New Year) but only spent two days in the NICU.

Do you have any favorite books or inclusive toys that celebrate queer parenthood?

Favorite books for us:

And Tango Makes Three
Mommy, Mama, and Me
Our Rainbow
Love Makes A Family
A is for activist
Antiracist Baby
My First Book of Feminism (for boys)

Leo loves them all and constantly asks us to read them over and over.

As far as toys, this is a hard question because there are not many in the LGBTQ space. I would say we are very mindful about the toys we buy. If you came to our house, I’m not sure you would know if we had a girl or a boy. We try to be gender neutral, but at the same time he's obsessed with his recycle truck. We allow Leo to play with what interests him and try to take a Montessori approach with his toys. Right now his most beloved and maybe most “inclusive” toy is a Ruth Bader Ginsburg doll. Most days he will take Ruth for a ride on his truck! :)

Can you name some other small businesses/brands that you love?

Most of Leo’s toys and books are from: Shop Merci Milo and Treehouse LA.

Leo has both a Ruth and Kamala t-shirt from Anchors N Asteroids and loves clothes from Shop Kumquat.

We also follow @janetlansbury and her podcast. I love her book “No Bad Kids.” Especially when Leo picks it up and says “Me.”

Anything else you’d like to add?

Thanks so much for including our family on your blog. We know how important it is to see diverse families and hear their stories. We hope ours is inspiring to someone out there.

And finally, where can we find you?

You can find us on Instagram:

@ajfilm

@anniebee