Tips to Teaching New Behaviors
Children aren’t born knowing how or why to behave well. They aren’t born knowing how to take turns, not to color on the walls, or how to control their big emotions when you won’t buy them a new toy at the store.
As parents, it’s our job to teach our kids impulse control and the behaviors they’ll need to be successful and happy in life.
Teaching young children more appropriate behaviors takes time. That’s because there’s no magical, easy, or perfect approach to teaching children to make better choices or to encourage new behaviors.
Here are five reminders to consider for understanding and teaching new behavior:
1. Focus on the positive. Don’t only focus on the times that things aren’t going well to talk to your child about their behavior. When children are behaving well it’s important to notice their positive behaviors and give them feedback that’s productive and descriptive – “Sharing your toys with your brother and letting him play with your trucks is kind and caring and I noticed how much fun you had racing those trucks together.”
2. Be mindful of your own emotions. Adding your own emotions to children’s misbehavior is never constructive. When you find yourself getting upset, slow down, take a deep breath and think of the bigger picture. Decreasing your stress and keeping calm allows you to intervene with your child and their behavior in a way that’s positive and doesn’t make things worse.
3. The reasons behind a child’s behavior matter. Behavior doesn’t happen for no reason. Behavior is purposeful and children use their behavior to communicate. When you pay attention to what your child might be needing in the present moment you’ll better understand the motivation for your child’s behavior – do they need your attention, are they feeling overwhelmed, do they have the skills to do the behavior we are asking of them? When we recognize the particular source of a behavior we can accurately teach children more positive and effective ways to get their needs met.
4. You need proper parenting tools. You can’t approach every misbehavior in the same way. It’s essential to have a variety of parenting tools at your disposal to effectively address the multitude of behavior challenges that arise in childhood. Make sure your tools are focused on positive discipline rather than relying on punishment to change behavior. If you feel you have too limited a toolbox of effective tools it may be helpful to take a parenting class or meet with a parenting professional to learn more strategies that are helpful, effective, and suited to your child and your parenting needs.
5. Give extra support and extra practice. Learning new behaviors takes time and means mistakes are going to happen along the way. As parent’s it requires us to be consistent and be patient – both of which can be so hard to maintain. Children should know the exact behavior that is expected of them. They should know the rules and the limits and when children struggle to learn from the systems we have in place we need to take extra time to clarify the process and to be willing to keep teaching.
Behavior is learned throughout childhood. As parents, we won’t be perfect. Neither will our kids be perfect. Having realistic expectations for yourself and your kids and making sure not to hold your children to unrealistic adult standards a good starting place. Behavior changes come with time, effort and lots of practice. Be patient.
If you’re right in the thick of it dealing with misbehavior, I hope you have found this post helpful. If you’re at your wits end with your child’s behavior don’t hesitate to get in touch and we can see if I might be able to help.
Always remember children are individuals and there’s no one size fit’s all to parenting. It’s important to find the parenting that works best for you and your family. I can be reached at hayley@heartofconnecting.com or 949-233-0609
Your child’s potential is limitless. Their success begins with you.
Your parenting counts!
