Elaine Dizon aka Coach Mom is a recognized AT&T Business Cultural Champion and life coach living in Northern California. She is a married mother of two raising a transracial family. Understanding that time is a finite resource, Elaine believes in intentional living. Taking time to reflect and set up a thoughtful approach in how we show up for ourselves, for our children, and others can offer us the clarity we need to live the life we dream.

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Sometimes being grateful is a fleeting moment. When an act of kindness appears, we quickly say, “Thank you.” When we ask someone to do something and before we gain the other party’s agreement we’re already saying, “Thanks!” When we close an email, we often type, “Thanks!” Over time, being grateful can seem rote and worse, ring hollow to someone’s ears. In November, I challenge myself to reflect on being grateful and deepen my gratitude posture. After all, after ten months and on the cusp of a busy holiday season, November is ripe for this exercise.

What is a gratitude posture? It’s an individual’s overall awareness and possibility to acknowledge all the blessings and abundance one sees while recognizing the inclination to lean into what we don’t have. When we pause and take stock of helpful, supportive, and convenient qualities of our life, we nurture our gratitude posture. Think about all the endpoints in your personal network – your partner, your friend who just texted you, the person who makes your coffee, your colleague, your family member, your child, yourself – how are you showing up in these relationships? Are you rushed? Did you clear the slate from your last interaction with someone? How did you show up for yourself before venturing out in the world? If you haven’t reflected on gratitude lately, I invite you to do so for the next three weeks.

Shawn Achor is a preeminent happiness expert who wrote, The Happiness Advantage. He believes being grateful can rewire our brains to enhance our optimism and increase our happiness levels. As these changes take place, we experience higher levels of productivity, creativity, and engagement. During this process, we learn how happiness is the fuel to keep going, to invest in relationships and activities that bring us joy, and to push through challenging moments -- during this simple practice, we learn that there is ALWAYS something to appreciate. In Shawn Achor’s Ted Talk, "The Happiness Advantage: Linking Positive Brains to Performance", he outlines a five-step process to set you on your way. His first component towards lasting change is “3 Gratitudes”. This premise is based on a study by Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Shawn Achor pitches writing or noting down three new things you are grateful for over 21 days. When you layer this exercise on the idea about endpoints in your life, your gratitude posture will awaken in a specific direction.

How to get started:

Pick a consistent time of day to write or note down three new things you are grateful for
Consider the endpoints in your personal network – people you interact with daily, people you may have lost touch with, and perhaps, people you don’t know but admire
Write down what you appreciate about this person
When in doubt, appreciate anything warming your heart or makes you smile…and write it down

In my last cycle of this gratitude posture practice, I discovered that I am fascinated by people’s contributions to this world. For example, during a fever pitched distance learning day where passwords and portals weren’t loading properly, I was also entrenched on work tasks while I worked from home. I struggled executing quality check ins with the kids. I looked frazzled, overwhelmed, and stuck. When I called out with alarm, “We need to huddle!” My six-year-old replied boisterously and he quickly walked over (sister in tow), “No! We need to huggle! Hug plus huddle equals HUGGLE!” And as they wrapped me in their arms giggling, the amped up feelings I had dissipated.

I am still amazed with my son’s clever solution. When I take time to think about this moment before I interact with him, it sets us up for success. I enter the space with an open heart, waiting to see what he will contribute into the world. Consequently, I make every attempt to set aside a few minutes before interacting with others in a similar way. Shedding any vestige of unpleasantness before taking action will help clear the mind and clear the fray towards a fresh experience.